Public Discourse 8 July 2013After having spent the last year involved in the debate about same-sex parenting, I can say the following with great confidence: both sides of the same-sex marriage debate are afraid of naming child abuse by same-sex couples. The issue is so raw and painful that even critics of same-sex parenting are scared to go there.Pro-SSM people say gays have been unfairly stereotyped as child abusers, so any discussion of gay child abusers is adding to their oppression. Anti-SSM commentators generally don’t want the added fuss of showing up on the Southern Poverty Law Center’s list of homophobes. So a general pattern emerges: even when you critique same-sex parenting, you must never do so in terms that sound accusatory or equate homosexuality with child abuse.Let’s be clear: I am not saying that same-sex parents are automatically guilty of any kind of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse to the children they raise. Nor am I saying that LGBT people are less likely to take good care of children.What I mean is this: Even the most heroic mother in the world can’t father. So to intentionally deprive any child of her mother or father, except in cases like divorce for grave reasons or the death of a parent, is itself a form of abuse. (Though my mother raised me with the help of a lesbian partner, I do not feel I was abused, because I always knew that my mother didn’t intend for my father to divorce her.)This holds true not only for same-sex parenting, but for any choice to parent a child in a less-than-ideal setting for a less-than-grave reason. It’s abuse, for example, for a single parent to adopt a child when many other equally good two-parent homes are available. It’s abuse for parents to divorce simply for reasons related to their own emotional happiness. It’s abuse for LGBT couples to create children through IVF and then deprive them of a mother or father.Media Tip-Toeing Around AbuseTwo recent pieces in the Washington Post and the New York Times last month are noteworthy, because both broke the silence on the downsides of same-sex parenting but still carefully avoided the word “abuse.”After months of presenting a whitewashed portrait of same-sex parenting, the Post finally ran a letter from Tommy Valentine of Alexandra, Virginia, warning the proponents of homosexual adoption that “A child is not a commodity to be coveted, like the car or house,” and “Even with an ‘open adoption’ arrangement with his birth mother, Kyler [the adoptee] is being deprived of the unique, irreplaceable impact of a life with a mother and father.”Three days later the New York Times ran a self-reflective piece by Frank Litgvoet, a gay man who is raising two adopted children with his male partner, titled “The Misnomer of Motherless Parenting.” Litgvoet deserves tremendous praise for being willing to name the integral flaw in same-sex parenting, despite how promising it looks to gay adults:Being a “motherless” child in an open adoption is not as simple as it looks, because there is a birth mother, who walks in and walks out of the lives of our children. And when she is not physically there, she is—as we know from many accounts of adult adoptees—still present in dreams, fantasies, longings and worries. . . .When the mother walks into the lives of our kids it is mostly a wonderful experience. It is harder for them when she walks out, not only because of the sad goodbye of a beloved adult, but also because it triggers the difficult and painful question of why she walked out in the first place.http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2013/07/10474/?utm_source=RTA+Lopez+abuse&utm_campaign=winstorg&utm_medium=email
Published on September 2, 2018 at 4:10 pm Contact KJ: email@example.com | @KJEdelman After Northeastern (2-4) outshot and outperformed Syracuse (3-2) for 80 minutes on Sunday, Georgia Allen found herself open 10 yards from the net for a score. In only her second game since returning from the U20 England national team, Allen gave SU its only goal of the day en route to a 1-0 victory. The Orange started the game on the defensive. Because it could not match the speed of Northeastern early, SU was outshot by the Huskies, eight to two in the first 28 minutes.NU had its best opportunity to score in the first half off of a Mikenna McManus corner kick 24 minutes into the game. As the ball crept to the right side of the goal, the Huskies’ Eve Goulet got off a header past SU goalie Jordan Harris. A yard next to Harris, Taylor Bennett sniffed out the potential shot from the middle of the net and cleared the ball to the end line. Five minutes later, Clarke Brown twisted in the air to shoot an off-balance right-footer. While the ball was on target, NU’s Nathalie Nidetch rolled on top of the ball to keep the score leveled.SU opened the second half with a change in the net. On Thursday against Harvard, Harris was replaced after allowing three goals in the second half. Despite not allowing a goal in the first half along with two saves on Sunday, Lysianne Proulx replaced Harris. AdvertisementThis is placeholder textThe Orange opened the second half on the offensive, unlike how SU had begun the game. Kate Hostage opened the second half with a 14 yarder that was caught by a diving Nidetch. Proulx made her presence known in the 60th minute when she dove right off an Emily Evangelista shot to save a near-goal. Most of the second half was dictated by both team’s backlines, but Proulx was still challenged in the net. In the 83rd minute, Allen took advantage of a mistake in the Huskies’ defense. Off a Sydney Brackett short cross, Allen found herself uncovered from 10 yards out. Allen cocked back her right leg before shooting a missile past Nidetch. As the minutes ticked and the Huskies got desperate, NU couldn’t muster a shot in the remaining time after Allen’s goal. After splitting a pair of games on the road in New England, SU will continue its five-game road trip in Happy Valley when the Orange take on Penn State on Thursday. Comments Facebook Twitter Google+
LOS ANGELES >> The Brut and the Budweiser pooled up in the middle of the Dodgers’ clubhouse Sunday afternoon as players, coaches, trainers and executives arrived to celebrate their fourth straight National League West title. Their families stood outside in a hallway, safely separated from the squalor by two sets of double doors.Dodgers manager Dave Roberts briefly stepped outside to kiss his wife and his daughter. Then he looked up to see rows of wives, girlfriends, children, mothers and fathers standing on dry ground.“You guys come in! Families are in,” Roberts shouted above the clamor.With that declaration, the clubhouse grew impossibly fuller — the Dodgers’ season in a nutshell. Newsroom GuidelinesNews TipsContact UsReport an Error Forty players were active for a 4-3 win over the Colorado Rockies on Sunday. That’s happened before according to Major League Baseball, but it’s rare. It’s also uncommon for a team to cycle through 55 players (only the San Diego Padres and Atlanta Braves have used more this season), but the 2016 Dodgers did that too.The story of why the Dodgers needed so many players has been told: 28 different men spent time on the disabled list at various times, a record since at least 1987. Those injuries required 15 different pitchers to start a game and 24 different position players to swing a bat.Of the 40 active players Sunday, 10 were not in the Dodgers’ spring training camp — either because they were on the minor league side of Camelback Ranch or in another organization. But the lines between veteran and rookie, between newcomer and holdover, blurred when the division was clinched. The story of how so many players felt at home in one clubhouse is difficult to appreciate from the outside, and perhaps an underrated part of the club’s success. “You saw the injuries happen and they didn’t let it factor into anything,” pitcher Jesse Chavez said. “They just picked those guys up who were on the DL. That’s something you saw from the other side before I got here. It’s impressive to watch.”Chavez, 33, was acquired from the Toronto Blue Jays on Aug. 1. The Dodgers are the eighth organization he’s played for in a professional career that began in 2003. He said he felt at home in the clubhouse immediately, noticing quickly that the Dodgers avoided the trap of splintering into cliques.“Just the conversations you have in passing — the walking bys, the hellos — just simple stuff,” Chavez said. “The acknowledgment of everybody, the communication we have, is beyond what you could imagine.“To come here, it feels like I was in spring training with this group.”A few minutes later, standing on the opposite side of the room, veteran catcher Carlos Ruiz said the same thing.The Dodgers are Ruiz’s second organization. His 18-year run with the Philadelphia Phillies ended when he was traded for A.J. Ellis on August 25. Ruiz was just as beloved in Philadelphia as Ellis was in Los Angeles.And yet, Ruiz said, “it took me two or three days just to fit into the group. They tried to make me feel like I was here since the beginning of the season. That was big.”Two of the biggest contributors Sunday weren’t in the clubhouse for vast portions of the season. The game’s hero, Charlie Culberson, hadn’t started in four days. That was typical for him. A non-roster invitee to spring training, Culberson made the Dodgers’ Opening Day roster, then wound up on the Oklahoma City-to-Los Angeles express. He spent roughly half of the season in Triple-A.On Saturday, Roberts told Culberson he would be in the lineup Sunday. That was typical too. Culberson had a day to prepare and, by extension, a way to feel like part of the team.“He does a good job of that,” Culberson said of Roberts.The starting pitcher, Brandon McCarthy, was two weeks removed from his lowest point in the season if not his career. Technically he’d been on the disabled list with a sore hip. In reality, he had been battling a case of the yips.“You kind of forget how to throw a ball,” McCarthy said, “at least in a competitive situation.”For a moment, McCarthy feared his career might be over at age 33. A mechanical adjustment in the bullpen changed that. He re-discovered his fastball command and threw 5 1/3 innings against the Rockies, allowing only two runs.“This last month, I couldn’t have felt more removed,” McCarthy said. “That wasn’t by people excluding me. Everybody gave me the widest berth I could have to go figure things out. A couple weeks ago I was praying that someone would call from the front office and say, ‘shut this down, we’ll see you next year, let’s get things figured out.’ And you can’t feel farther away from the team at that point. “The last two weeks, it was like, ‘hey I feel like I’m part of this again.’ I wanted to get back into a game.”In the middle of the clubhouse Sunday, pitcher Kenta Maeda lifted his interpreter off the ground and dumped him into a beer cooler. The damp elbows of data analysts brushed against those of minor league coaches. Several players dispatched the clichéd metaphor about teammates as family, but it was never more appropriate. Roberts had already invited everyone’s families into the room.